4 posts tagged “life”

I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting lately. It's kinda odd cos the busier, i get the more i reflect; maybe im subconsciously finding for ways to escape work . Mostly reflecting on personality flaws, future career goals, and also life as a whole. All that reflecting has been quite healthy, i think im better grounded on what needs to be changed and have a better idea on which direction i should head in the area of work. I wont put the details here though, cos these thoughts are quite personal =) Sry yah!

I got this in the mail today....

ortsa

Never did it cross my mind that studying abroad would be this demanding. Apart from the grueling course work, one has got so many other responsibilities to juggle. At times i feel like a juggler with one hand tied behind my back.
It is only now that I've started pondering and appreciating the simplest of things that I had back home. The itsy-bitsiest of things that were taken for granted; like the convenience of a washing machine, dinner that was always ready by 6pm and a car at my disposal.

Make no mistake however, it's not that i've been suffering from delusions of grandeur; expecting to be served hand and foot nor am I throwing a tantrum, banging my head against the wall, screaming with discontent. These responsibilities, however tedious, nasty (washing oily dishes) and tiring (washing clothes by hand!), do come with its perks. For instance, i no longer need to share the chocolates, ice cream and juices with my siblings; back home everything worth fighting for was always divided four ways. It was, i must admit, a brilliant system set in placed by the wisest of big brothers (*cough*) to preserve order within the home. Apart from that, there's always the occasional late night entertainment of watching drunkets make fools of themselves. And the sporadic xxx sounds from neighbours upstairs. With the paper thin walls, you practically hear everything; from the rocking of the bed to the odd mourning sounds. It's hilarious i tell you.

I dont think im alone on this, cos unless you're a brilliant time manager with Energizers plugged in; it's easy to realize how little time we have in a day. To a certain extend it may just be me, im used to moving at a slower than usual pace, taking things in mini steps instead of strides. I guess im incorrigible. Alright, before i suffer anymore delusions of having an infinite amount of time; ive got dishes waiting.

Seeing that today's valentines, i would'nt be too surprised if the ceiling starts rocking. Catch my drift? ;)

Today as I was walking home from 1 Utama, I saw something so touching that it brought me to tears.

An uncle in his late 60s holding on to his dear wife that I assume has Parkinson's - she could not hold herself up, her back hunched and was trembling as she tried so very difficultly to maneuver from car to house. I offered to help but the uncle politely declined. Anyway,I still stood there, just in case, till he brought her into the house.

As I continued my journey home, I was reflecting on what i had just witnessed and all of a sudden without warning, droplets tears started rolling down my cheeks. I was shocked. It was just such a touching sight; we are so often bombarded with news of broken marriages, divorces and annulments that it's so sweet to see a marriage that stays true to it's vows.

"...for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part: according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my faith."

And I heard a voice in my heart - "God's love is greater than that". Now, the tears really started flowing; no longer droplets but streams. I said a silent prayer for them.

As I approached home, I pulled myself together, wiped my tears and then rang the door bell. I'm a young man now and crying isn't macho...

It's 4 in the morning. I've been blog surfing; peeking into the lives of strangers. It's fascinating reading the thoughts, hopes and dreams of others. That's what I love about reading blogs, it gives me a glimpse of where i stand in relation to how so many others are doing. When I say "doing" i mean in all aspects of life, be it in their walk with God, their academic performance or even their social relations with peers and friends. (Pls, forgive me if you cannot comprehend what i just babbled, i tend to speak and write gibberish during the wee hours of the morning).

In recent days, I've come to realize how square I can be at times (to be honest, almost all the time). I've never really bothered nurturing the lighter, happier and more sensitive side which has slowly withered away since my sec school days. When I was way way younger, i was always so happy, without a care in the world. To some extend it's only natural how care-free days fade off  with age, but it's a little depressing when the thought of it is as good as it gets. Small and incremental but truly significant steps during my teenage years has really defined who I am today. Any regrets as to how I've turned out? For most parts of it, No. But i must say, it would have been nice if I had nurtured other aspects of my personality. I may have turned out less "square".

As i was blog-surfing, i bumped into this blog by this uber intelligent, highly motivated and spiritually steadfast girl. Her blog is just so interesting......when i look at what she has achieved, i feel a little sad and a little left out. There are so many "if onlys" in my head right now....

At the same time, people like her inspire me to aim higher and never be over contented till the point of laziness. But above all, to lift all my plans, hopes and dreams to God, as my strenghts alone are far from sufficient to achieve the plans and potential that's found in every single one of us.

"The journey of a thousand miles truly starts with a single step". And taking that right first step is almost all that matters.